Both Jason and I have found tremendous hope through changing up a few things in our relationship lately. It’s been the small things that have meant the most to us, and that has been a surprise. This one is such a small thing that has netted big impact and it can be one of the ways to improve your marriage too. Maybe you’ve been struggling to connect with each other or communication is lacking. There’s hope. Read on friends.
This one simple change we have made in our marriage that has dramatically improved our knowledge and understanding of each other. It is one that you can make easily too and it can be implemented in minutes.
This one change has been been so easy to implement too. It’s not on a plan and it’s not on a schedule, which is as it should be as far as marriage is concerned anyway.
We practice it when we feel inspired, and sometimes that’s daily, and other times, it’s not at all for weeks on end. I think the reason it has been helpful is that we are both being intentional about our relationship these days.
You think you know your spouse, but you don’t, not really.
You think you know everything about a person when you’ve spent your whole life with them, but we’ve found plenty to learn, even in this last year. Don’t take that for granted. You really just can’t know everything.
We have a pretty good life and a pretty functional marriage. That said, in the past, it was mostly a functional marriage. Everyone has got to get the bills paid, the kids raised, and the laundry done. We have been good at those things. We like checking the boxes of life. It wasn’t enough though.
That’s the hard stuff, the soul work, isn’t it? It’s the stuff that we don’t talk about normally, except in church or the therapist’s office. It’s hard when you don’t actually see what’s going on behind closed doors in other people’s homes. Things can look oh so good on social media, and still be incredibly lacking in the soul department. Both of us were there. In so many ways we needed more and wanted more. We’re doing it now.
About the soul work.
We’ve always been believers in Christ and Christians. That’s the foundation, but we didn’t often share that faith with each other in our marriage.
We each pursued our relationship with God on our own for most of our marriage. We’ve gone to church, made the commitment to have our kids in private Christian school, and each pursued our personal relationship with God. What we were missing is that we didn’t commit to our faith together on a deep and personal level.
When we really got serious about sharing our emotional selves with each other, we decided that a good addition was adding our faith to the mix of our relationship. Sharing our favorite verses with each other has changed the direction of our marriage.
The ways we improved our marriage?
A surprising outcome of all this is that we’ve gotten to know each other more intimately than we did before. When Jason posts up a verse, I can see what he’s thinking. He says the same. He says he understands me more now from this simple exercise.
I can see his thought process when he shares a verse. I can see how he’s merging life with faith, particularly as it relates to whatever current life events we happen to be dealing with. They might be verses that bring comfort, or hope, or encouragement, but it’s the way we are evaluating our life separately and together.
It’s challenged both of us to go deeper in my faith.
We’re sharpening each other, that old iron sharpening iron concept. There are times when he shares something he’s thinking, and I’m blown away by the depth of character that he has, and it inspires me to do better, to be better.
It’s a simple change, but one we are both fully committed to and we don’t plan to stop any time soon.
Give it a try! See what happens. I think you might be surprised at the result and what you’ll learn about your spouse. Keep us posted on how it works for you.