When I find myself in a hard season in life, I usually draw inward. Some of my sweetest and best growth have place in the midst of personal crisis or heartache as I’ve spent time reflecting and processing things that are going on. Music is a balm to my soul during these times and it allows me to lean in to the words and the melodies. My favorite times to listen to music are when I’m running and walking outside. The outdoors is very healing to me, and it’s my favorite place to be while listening to healing music and making sense of what is going on in my mind.
I wrote this post as a reflection on a particularly difficult time for me in the Springtime of 2020. Read on and enjoy a song of hope. Please take anything that is helpful and leave the rest. Love, Leslie
Spring 2020 – It was a rough time for me.
The was gorgeous in Oregon and we weren’t having too much rain which is always a plus for us in the Pacific Northwest. The days were cool in the morning, and then by afternoon, it was time to take off the sweater or other layers, and enjoy the sunny day. The blooms were out early this year, and I enjoyed running or walking every single day in our fair city.
However, the outer facts about the weather and the new life of the changing season didn’t even remotely match my internal state. It was a tough time. Is it okay to say that? We all know that Springtime brought Covid in to our world in a major way, and it wasn’t welcome. The streets were empty, and nearly everyone was hunkered down in their homes, save for the trips to the grocery store. It felt like an alien universe to me at that time, rather than the usual and predictable world I once knew.
I was struggling with many things, you can call it a meltdown or a readjustment or just a dry season, I really don’t care and I’ve stopped trying to classify it. It was a hard time. We all have those struggles, I’m confident I’m not alone in that admission. The fact is, that the world as I knew it was crashing down around me. I knew that I had God and that was a fact that I rested in every single moment during this time. I knew He was with me, even when I didn’t understand. It didn’t lessen the pain I was experiencing, and the tears came easy to me.
I made a worship playlist back then of my favorite songs to listen to as I roamed the parks and enjoyed watching the squirrels play. I chose carefully, I am picky when it comes to my worship music and I didn’t want anything that was annoying or too upbeat. I needed real and raw music. For whatever reason, I stumbled upon the song ‘Springtime’ by Chris Renzema. Every time it came on, I wanted to skip it, and I considered removing it from my playlist because I didn’t believe the words in it. It had too much hope for a new season, and the seasons seemed to loom before me as a threat, rather than a beacon of that hope.
I would hear the words, particularly this section of the song, and I didn’t really believe what Renzema was singing could be true. I kept listening still, and hoping beyond hope that someday it just might make sense, and that the hard season I was in would be ending.
You’re the living water
God, we thirst for you
The dry and the barren
Will flower and bloom
You’re the sun that’s shining
You restore my soul
The deeper you call us
Oh, the deeper we’ll goWe will sing a new song
‘Cause death is dead and gone with the winter
As I was reflecting on my day today, I turned on my worship playlist and the song came on. The song finally made sense to me. Even as I am aware that in our physical world here in Oregon we are in the deep days of Fall and edging closer to Winter every day, it’s starting to feel like Springtime in my inner world.
There hasn’t been a defined end to one season and the beginning of another in this case. I am still working through some things, but I see the hope of my soul being restored and God’s call for me to go deeper. I see the signs of growth, change, and new life; when a few months ago, there was dead and dry matter.
I have changed and been restored internally, and I am ready for the Springtime now. I am grateful for that fact. My hard season is mostly over, and I’ve learned a lot about myself during this time. God is faithful, His promises are true, and He has restored my soul and I have learned to go deeper as He has called me.