By Leslie Anderson, Salem Oregon – Andersons of West Hills
It may not seem like a big deal on the surface, but I’ve been dreaming for the past few weeks. I’ve always had life goals and aspirations and dreams, and I’ve worked hard to achieve them. But this is different.
I’ve been actually dreaming when I sleep.
I haven’t done that in years upon years – maybe never. Truly, I have rarely dreamed in my lifetime. I always thought it was odd, but I never knew why. I didn’t realize I actually wasn’t sleeping restfully. I always felt fatigues, even after what I thought was a good night’s sleep. Now I understand the difference.
It feels good to wake up feeling energy and excitement for the day ahead. I’ve been sleeping restfully and I actually shut off my alarm for good last week. I’m allowing myself to wake up when my body says it’s time. What a gift that is!!
I’m still the same old me, but fundamentally different these days. It feels like I’ve stepped into who I’m supposed to be, and I’m finally free.
Funny, because so many times in life we look toward certainty or predictability as the keys to peace. We try to keep things settled, smooth, and avoid problems.
But honestly, I’m learning that fully letting go of the expectation of external security leads to internal peace.
My life is much less certain than it ever has been, but I’m so much more content.
Taking hold of opportunities as they present themselves in my life and just following those as I see fit has been so freeing.
Focusing on each day, working faithfully, loving fully, and setting boundaries have all been a part of the mix.
Those boundaries of allowing in the things I choose to, shutting out things I don’t want to allow has given me a quiet sense of confidence and power that I always had, but lacked in life application.
My self worth is no longer wrapped up in what I do for myself or others. I am secure in who I am in God’s eyes and I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. It’s amazing to have that assurance.
I have plenty of problems, faults, flaws, and failures under my belt. But the thing is, none of that matters. All that matters is that I wake up and lean into the life I have been given. I do have some amazing things about me too, and that doesn’t even matter. It’s enough just to be me, whatever the case.
There is no formula for this path I’m on, and for the first time ever, I’m okay with that.
For now, I’m embracing myself, my family, and having fun. I’m not seeking approval or working myself to death. I’m not picking up other people’s problems or responsibilities – I have enough of my own, and that is allowing me the space to be just who I am.
I’ve learned that I am capable of so much more than I ever thought possible.
So, with that, I’m living well during the day and sleeping peacefully at night. I’m excited to see what a few more months of restful sleep can do for my physical health too. I’ve got many years to catch up on, and that starts now.
I believe this outcome is possible for anyone. I truly believe that our best lives are there, and taking care of some of the underlying business that keeps us from that best life is really important. It’s more important than I ever knew.
What is it that is keeping you from fully embracing who you are? Deep down you know. Let it go. It’s worth it.
I wish I had learned it much earlier, but I’m learning now. That’s all that matters.
Goodnight and sweet dreams.